Flightless Bird (Poetry)

The fault in our stars assembled our paths
One starless night when my archangels aimed their bows at you,
I followed the darkness in your eyes and learnt your name
The moon that evening was lovelier than all the moons in my life.

In that transitional air we walked each other
To a place near the moon
To look at our faces more closely, more clearly
For few words, few smiles, few more breaths.

There was a mercurial combustion of so many emotions,
Like I had found my mirror!
Reflecting back everything that was me
That evening I unlocked the floodgates of my heart
And gave all the love I had ever inside my heart.

When it dawned and time came between us
We divided the faith
A half for me, a half for you.

I carried my half all the way home
As dear as the memory of your smile
As tender as the warmth of your folded arms.

Praying and whispering in my wordless thoughts to you:
Please don't fall in love with someone else and hold someone else's hand.

I kept my promise
Carrying the half of the divided faith
Travelled across mountains, plains, rivers, skies
To see you again.

Saw many sleeping cities
Saw many silent dawns and dusks
Saw my own arrival to your fogged, sad, starless winter city.

It was the same face
It was the same smile
But in all that sameness there a different half hearted embrace.

I took out the faith I carried all these moons
Placed it across the table with a verb called 'believe'
You had lost your half somewhere else to some reasons
And there was a verb on the table called 'change'.

You became a stranger in your strange city in your strange ways,
Without any rigid conclusion in your nameless streets with your unfinished sentences,
I was on the flipside, the blindside, the losing side
Consoling myself with my fake strength and bravery.

In my dreams I heard your distancing footsteps
It was dark but still I could see your face
It was dark but still I could hear your thoughts
My heart lay beside your confusions
My blood floored the room of your doubts
I was holding onto my prayers
For a light to seep into the dark room
For a flame to keep it burning
For a whisper of hope to my dying dreams
But there was only smoke, smoke and smoke.

Sometimes when we love someone so much
The hardest thing is to love them.

You and your contempts ruined the fort I believed would last,
The birds of hope burst into massive flights away from the broken walls...
So I prayed to gods, ghosts, spirits, miracles
To bring back the love that brought us together
As I lay there broken and dying like a flightless bird watching the skies of uncertainty,
And a truth surfaced above the ruins:
We die everytime a dream dies inside us.

Subi Taba